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Father's Day Weekend | Almost being a father

I miss Teri, Mustard and Daddy Eddie
We both miss dancing with Teri

"We are ready to start a family and we would love to share this journey with you. For us, building a family means using alternative methods such as surrogacy, adoption, and/or fostering—all of which are totally foreign to us. Follow along with us as we explore non-traditional ways families are created." - Teri Edillon

Happy belated Father's Day. As the world celebrated the bond between fathers and their children, my heart was filled with grief and gratitude. I would like to extend my thanks to all the dads out there, and also to those who wished me a "Happy Father's Day" because of my role in taking care of Mayo. Before I get back to my busy workweek, I wanted to share about my past weekend and what's on my mind about almost being a father.

Recap of the Weekend

Overall, it was a fantastic weekend, despite the usual fact that I ate too much. Diet seriously starts tomorrow. I'm grateful for the opportunity to have enjoyed a sushi dinner with both my father and stepfather, as well as catching up with Teri's dad over the phone. It was nice seeing my family at church and to hear a great reminder that our hearts needs grace, not grumbling.

However, one particular moment this weekend stood out to me the most. It was when my mom asked if I had undergone a recent physical exam. Initially, I replied with a "no" since I have been quite busy and missed several routine health checkups. But then, it hit me that I did have a physical, as it was a prerequisite for the Terwin surrogacy journey to create embryos using Teri's eggs. This conversation triggered lots of thoughts about the idea of becoming a father.

Fact: I Could Have Been a Father by Now

Over a year ago, Teri and I found a potential surrogate through a close friend. After a few meetings and reference checks, we were all set to go! Filled with optimism, we shared the news with a few of our closest friends and family members, asking for their prayers and support. I even developed a detailed "project plan" and my manager kept inquiring about the progress. Everything seemed almost too good to be true.

And sadly, it was. Our potential surrogate did not pass the health screening, shattering our hopes and dreams. We explored the possibility of appealing the decision and even considered seeking assistance from another IVF facility. After taking some time to grieve, we felt discouraged and decided to put the process on hold. The busy summer season passed by, so we resolved to resume our search after the holidays and solicit help using our Christmas card. If circumstances with our surrogate had worked in our favor, I could have been a father by this very moment.

Teri's Frozen Eggs

I have shared with some of you that the idea of having mini Terwins still crosses my mind from time to time. I reached out to the IVF facility in Atlanta to discuss the difficult situation regarding Teri's frozen eggs. At first, I considered donating them to someone in need. However, I discovered that the process is rather complex. For now, I am grateful that I have time to prayerfully consider my options, and I have even been granted a waiver for the storage fees for one year.

Do I Still Aspire to Be a Father?

At present, I believe so? To be honest, I am surprised by this realization. Although I find enough satisfaction in my work, exercise routine and community, I have also found even more joy taking care of Mayo and spending time with the children of my close friends and family in recent weeks. In other words, I feel like I'm turning into Teri and might as well start listening to BTS. A recent conversation I had with my close friend's eight-year-old daughter, who shared a special bond with Teri (and BTS), inspired and humbled me. I caught myself holding back tears answering her heartfelt questions, such as, "Do you still miss Teri?" and hearing her share how much she missed her. This interaction left me feeling grateful that Teri has helped me develop a greater capacity to love children (and Mayo).

To those reading this from my church community, I want to clarify that this newfound desire to be a father does not mean I am seeking to serve in the Children's Ministry or become a VBS group leader. I am content and fulfilled in my current role, happily serving on the AV team and look forward to doing lyrics at Mariner's North Irvine this coming Sunday.


Like Mother's Day, this holiday has continued to keep me on the roller coaster of emotions, but this time, a bit less bumpy. As I reflect on the past weekend and trust God with my future and what he has planned for me in the area of fatherhood, I am grateful for the experiences that have led me to this point. In the midst of grief, He offers me comfort and strength thanks to His Fatherly love.

Thank you for reading. I wish you all a wonderful rest of the week!

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