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Sushi Bowl Dinner with Erwin | My Mental Health Challenges

Lord, so many of my problems stem from not remembering you. I forget your wisdom so I worry. I forget your grace and so I get complacent. I forget your mercy and so I get resentful of others. Help me remember who you are every moment of the day. Amen. - Tim Keller

Hello everyone,


Happy Sunday! I mean Monday. Hope you all had a good weekend? I did. I'm still recovering from very little sleep on Saturday...


What's for dinner today??


Great question. Earlier last week, I took some time to record one of my standard dinner routines. I love standard routines and need more of them. Or maybe I don't, I just need to be more consistent with my current routines. In my habit tracking app, (two months into using it and going strong) my current habit list includes:


  • Daily bible reading plan (yay playing at 2x speed while walking or driving to work)

  • Cold plunge

  • Floss and brush at night (don't judge, yes I need to track this)

  • Green powder smoothie

  • One dinner (hardest of them all)

  • 10K steps

  • <100 phone pickups (great idea if you have ADHD...)

  • Weigh myself and photo

  • One snack at work (three days a week when I go into the office)

  • Water plants (once a week)


I’ll be having this raw salmon dinner after I finish this post. Unfortunately, not everyone seems to agree that this meal is even safe to eat:


"Erwin, you're wild. Discount salmon, Raw?" - John N.


Don't judge yet. I'll put my Engineering/MBA/PMP/IT Director/Famous Blogger hat on and remind you all that decisions like eating discount raw salmon needs to be backed up by DATA. I'm still writing this post and I've had this meal dozens of times. I'm fine. I never had an issue eating this stuff. Neither will you. But if you do, then perhaps you didn't follow my instructions. I can make it for you at the house if you want a free meal, just let me know.


Over the last few days my sleeping schedule got pretty messed up with getting only a few hours of sleep on Friday morning (work) and Sunday morning (partying in KTown). Yes I can have fun once in a while. I ate too much. But I was responsible with my drinking. I really need to work on my singing. Does anyone have recommendations on a singing coach? One person wanted to sing Despacito and I wasn't ready to show off in front of 15 people. Next time for sure. Okay maybe after triathlon season is over.


Quick story from the weekend: I did meet someone on Saturday while In KTown. Her name was Akari and studied accounting at UCLA and likes to surf and eat very healthy. The best part of our conversation was showing her my phone wallpaper of Teri and sharing my story. She then shared how she lost her sister in law and seemed to understand grief given what she went through. I'm thankful for meaningful conversations with strangers I'll probably never see again.


TBT to Karaoke with family...fun times


Driving by HOAG Newport Beach


My most memorable moment during the weekend regarding Teri was on Sunday morning when I was driving to meet my friend Joy for coffee and past the HOAG Hospital in Newport Beach:



For those that don’t know, this is the hospital Teri began her cancer treatment (mid Feb 2023) and then spent her last few days on earth. Her main doctor was also in the office building adjacent to the hospital.


While HOAG Newport beach is a nice hospital with a beautiful view of the ocean, I wish she was able to spend it at home. It would have been nice to do what we did at the hospital, but at home, and have more time. I envision her just hanging out on our living room couch very comfortable like she used to do all the time when it was time to relax. Not sure though if that's what she would have wanted. I guess that's what I would want for myself?

Teri, Mustard, and Folded Laundry. I miss them all...

The decision for hospice that led to her passing all happened too quickly. Actually, everything happened too quickly. 6 weeks from the time we found out the cancer coming back to her passing away? Crazy. Just like life seems to be, every day. I wish things could slow down. I should unpack all this in more detail, but not tonight.


I have a lot of mixed feelings regarding our whole healthcare system. It’s so darn complicated. One thing I remember was getting medical device equipment sent to my house after she passed away to help with draining her lungs at her home. I tried calling to return it, thinking It could still be put to good use (and expensive), and the person on other line just said to keep it. What a waste. I'm sure this stuff happens all the time. Not good.


Yesterday I spent time with my dad to do our usual "El Super" grocery run and help him around the house. I was curious about his thoughts about me going into the medical field, In case I am due for a career change. He said without hesitation, “Don’t do it” and went on and on about stories of his own friends who are struggling so much to pay off student loans and have a normal life. I'm thankful I don't have any student loans, as I finally finished paying my loans from MBA school last year.


Happy Early Father's Day Everyone!


I definitely don’t have any solutions to any of these challenges people face coming out of school with so much debt. As long as people are going into school for the right reasons, hopefully it will all be worth it. You really need a heart for people to make it in healthcare. At least that's what my dad and I think. For my dad, despite all the long hours and sacrifices made to work instead of see his family, I know he really enjoyed his work as suregon and literally saved thousands of lives. I'm really proud of him. He's a great dad even though he drives many of us crazy.


May - Mental Health Awareness Month


This past weekend I caught up on Orora intranet posts and saw an encouraging video called “You are not Alone.” It reminded me of my own story and that I could use my next podcast episode to share about some of it. This was originally 12 minutes when I recorded it while doing a cold plunge, but ended up re re recording it at my desk and trimmed it down a bit:


Friendly reminder to subscribe to the YouTube channel afterwards so I can be a famous YouTuber and not have to go into the medical field :)


Key Takeaways From This Episode:


  • Mental health challenges can be misunderstood and overwhelming, but seeking help is important.

  • Therapy and medication can make a significant difference in managing mental health issues.

  • Having tough conversations and seeking support from friends and colleagues is crucial.

  • It's important to prioritize self-care and be in a good place before helping others.

More thoughts I didn't cover in the podcast since we have some time. The main thing Teri would emphasize with me is that she felt misunderstood. I would judge her since It's easy to judge vs. seek to understand. I wish she would spend time seeking to understand, instead of being understood. The truth is, we were both misunderstood. That was the problem. Some of it was related to mental health challenges, but not all of It. Most of the problem for me was a lack of humility. I totally misunderstood her. I can't wait to have a meeting with her in heaven to talk about all of this. There's so much I want to talk to her about.


I still really miss Teri :(


I know it's been over 14 months. The attention I seeked while growing up being the middle child and then when she's passed away has mostly gone away. All good. I should be fine by now. But I'm not. That's OK. These days, I don't really feel much of a need to move forward. I've started reading books on grief again. I've also been content just hanging out at home with Mayo. He always wants attention and I'm good at giving Mayo attention since he's so cute. Reminds me of Teri. While I do like meeting new people, it's also a lot of energy and perhaps it's hard to meet people when I'm feeling tired.

Mayo, Teri, Erwin, 2 Person Bike - All my favorites in one photo!

Unfortunately that’s all I really have time to write. I just wanted to finish what I started yesterday so this doesn't sit In the queue for weeks like my last post. Hope you find the podcasts helpful? I would love to have anyone over for Sushi Salmon bowls to talk about mental health challenges if anyone is interested.


Have a good week!

Erwin


P.S. You can also find Muir Rock on Spotify if you prefer this vs. YouTube:


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Jenny Scott
Jenny Scott
5 days ago

Thanks for sharing Erwin. I loved your blog on your mental health, challenges you overcame and encouragement for those going through hard times. I’m sad you don’t feel fine now, but glad you are ok with that. You are such a good public speaker and I can’t wait to hang out sometime soon. I miss you making me laugh at small group. Hope you have a good day

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Hi Tiffany!


Thanks for sharing your story. Yeah I don’t see myself as the bedside manner guy, and I work in the medical device industry in IT so that may be as close as it gets to helping patients.


Glad you found the sushi video funny while eating dinner! Those are the fun videos I enjoy making the most even though they get the fewest views.

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Hi Erwin,


I looked it up and online sources say that farmed salmon is a better to eat raw because they probably have less parasites vs. wild caught store salmon. I'm guessing Whole Foods sells higher quality salmon whether it's sashimi grade or not. I kind of laughed through the entire "Dinner with Chef Erwin" episode. PB got food poisoning once from bad poke and he was MISERABLE for days. Then again, we could get food poisoning from anywhere.


Regarding you going into healthcare... your dad is a surgeon so he spent a looooooooooong time in school. For my personal journey, I had scholarships for my MPH and my BSN so I didn't really pay for those. I was als…


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