Another "Moving Forward" Brain Dump

“To get to the rainbow, you must go through the rain… and even when you get to the rainbow, the world around you is still moist from the rain you went through earlier to get to the rainbow. It’s to remind you of the rain you went through earlier to get to the rainbow.” - Teri's Memory Book & What I Shared at the end of my first class

Dear Muir Rock Family,

Happy Monday! It’s been almost two months since my last post. I miss you all! Thanks for taking some time out of your busy schedule to hear about what's going on with me.

Since it's been awhile, I made an unlisted podcast (not sure If I'll make this public yet) that talks about a bunch of content In this post, plus a bit more on ADHD: It's more relevant to people reading the blog vs. the general public, so the link is only here:

Maybe I will redo the podcast in the future. Not sure. It's more of a here's what I'd tell you if we hung out for dinner type of update."

Key Takeaways from this episode:

• Why it’s okay to pause and not always produce (even with 17 unfinished blog posts). Now 16 after I click "Publish."

• How grief and singleness continue to shape my perspective.

• ADHD hyperfocus: the gift and the challenge of building a yoga studio while neglecting other priorities.

• The role of accountability and humility in relationships and work.

• Why doing the “hard things” (like setting up a trust) matters more than chasing what feels urgent.

• How Muir Rock Fitness & Yoga is about more than yoga and burning calories: it’s about community, inspiration, and purpose.

• The deep joy of helping others live healthier, more meaningful lives.

This past week, the moment that stood out to me the most happened on Tuesday. My friend Kathy noticed that I haven't blogged in awhile.

With a big smile I said, "I know!" I was happy that someone noticed and said something. Then I felt discouraged. Why haven't I posted? Is it because I'm really figuring out my new life without Teri? But I still miss her so much....

No One is Coming to Save Me

So what has been on my mind lately? Lots of stuff. If you watched the podcast before continuing to read, been wrestling with grief, my faith, ADHD, being OK with not telling everything, and what it really means to take responsibility for my healing.

Just about I was going to bed the other day, I came across a quote that said:

“After a certain age, you are no longer the product of your environment or how you were raised… Healing is your responsibility. Growth is your decision. The truth is, no one is coming to save you. It’s on you to become the person you were never shown how to be.”

I've seen this quote, or variations of it a few times. I love it.

At first, it concerned me a bit. I believe that Jesus has already come to save me. Salvation is a gift, not something I achieve through my own actions. I am forever thankful to understand that my time on earth is temporary because of what He did on the cross.

But here’s where this quote challenges me: while Christ has saved me, He also calls me to take ownership of how I respond to life here and now. He doesn’t remove the weight of responsibility from me, He strengthens me to carry it. That’s where my journey of grief and growth sits right now.

Just like I wrote about in my accountability ladder post, there are two ways to live: in the lower rungs of blame, excuses, and denial, or climbing higher into responsibility, ownership, and growth. The ladder doesn’t climb itself. Healing requires me to place one hand above the other, one rung at a time.

When Teri passed, it would have been easy to stay at the bottom. Stuck in why me questions, bitterness, or self-pity. Some days I still find myself sliding down there.

I'll close off this section wanting to share that the most attractive people to me these days are the ones who sit at the top of the accountability ladder with everything they do in life (work, health, relationships, etc...) and stay humble about all of it. No point in complaining about stuff we don't have control over. Life is just so much better when we don't keep blaming other people or our circumstances.

Muir Rock Fitness & Yoga

On August 20, I took another step upward by launching Muir Rock Fitness & Yoga in my garage. Lets hang out on Wednesday or Sunday night!

For those that are confused.... Here's a quick view of the studio with a bonus intro of Mayo on the table:

Mayo is so cute, sad to go to work and not see him till I get home

It's not about the numbers...

Besides some friends who came to support me, my first class had one student. Just one. Part of me wanted to feel discouraged, to measure success in numbers. But another part of me realized, this was success! Because it wasn’t about filling the room, it was about opening the door. It wasn’t about numbers, it was about doing the hard thing.

The "theme" of my class is "Doing Hard Things." I shared the quote from Teri's memory book. I know she would have been proud of that one student, as it is also not easy to show up to someone's garage and take a class!! She would have reminded me that growth often starts small, and that faithfulness matters more than scale. To her, showing up and being present was always the win. And looking back since April 2 2023, that’s how healing works too, it doesn’t come in dramatic leaps, it comes in small, steady steps.

If you're currently going through a recent loss of a loved one, I'd love to talk about it. I know we are all busy. I really owe it to so many of you that sat down with me to help process my grief (and continue to do so now).

What I Am Working Through

I’ve been talking with my therapist recently about how to be kinder to myself. Honestly, I’m still figuring that out. I’m good at holding myself accountable in most areas of my life, but not always good at offering myself grace. And yet, those two things aren’t opposites. They need each other. Healing requires ownership, yes, but it also requires compassion. Growth demands responsibility, but it also requires gentleness.

I think what everything comes down to for me is:

• Doing Hard Things (like starting this studio)

• Figuring out Why I Need to Do Hard Things

• Going Deeper on Why I Don't Do Hard Things

On these topics, Teri’s favorite verse (and I think it's now my favorite verse) comes back to me often:

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9)

That verse has become a guidepost lately. Even when I feel weak and don't want to do hard things, I can be strong in Him. Even when fear or discouragement come in (lots of moments lately) I can hold onto the promise that the Lord is with me.

Thank You!

I need to go to work....people are messaging me already with needing help with stuff. Very happy Monday :)

I wish I can just take the day off and write more. Hope you can leave this post knowing that I'm in a good place, your thoughts and prayers are much appreciated.

I know for the past few years, the hurricane was very heavy, but rainbows really are beginning to appear. And maybe the lingering grief that never fully leaves is something I want to keep embracing and blogging about, as it's a reminder of what I’ve walked through. A reminder of both the cost of grief and the gift of love.

At the same time, healing and moving forward is my responsibility to own. Growth is my decision. Remembering Teri regularly and the legacy she's left me while being open to dating in the future also my decision. God provides the strength, the Spirit provides comfort, and Christ provides the hope, but I still have to choose to step forward, even when the progress feels small.

Because while no one else can walk this road for me, I am not walking it alone. I have friends and family like all of you that continue to encourage me along this journey. I now just want to do the same for others.

Please don't walk alone in your journey.

Thank you for reading and watching. I hope this encourages YOU to Do Hard Things. Have a great week everyone!

Erwin