What does it mean to fight for love when everything feels lost?

Hello everyone,

Hope you're all having a great Saturday. I was fine until my workout at the park and now I need a break so I'm just gonna chill the rest of the day. Plenty of time till my next race.

The Terwin anniversary is coming up, we would have celebrated 6 years of marriage:

Some of my favorite photos I've shared here.

I miss being married.

I miss the arguments on a Saturday when I would come home late from a bike ride and then after two hours of talking about relationship stuff, tell myself, don't ever be late again. And then to be late again the following week and lose another two hours....

This year, I'm not in Atlanta to celebrate. But I'll be there at the end of October for another HYROX race:

This race was so fun and can't wait to do it again in Atlanta (Nov 1) + Anaheim (Dec 13 & 14)

I'm looking forward to visiting Teri at White Chapel Memorial Gardens and seeing my friends and family. If you're free, let me know (Oct 30 - Nov 1).

As usual, there's too much on my mind to try to brain dump (I actually keep adding to this post and I need to just hit the publish button), which means I'll probably spend another month not posting and then I just get frustrated with myself with all these unfinished drafts. I have enough unfinished stuff... trust me.

So I thought I'd keep it simple and just record a podcast. Link is at the bottom.

29 Months | Life is good

September 2nd also marked 29 months since Teri passed away.

Life looks very different these days. But the emotions of missing her are still there. I still think about her every day, and sometimes think, forget getting married again. I'm good. One and done. Singleness for life! Mayo and I get to do whatever we want...

It's true. I am pretty darn happy everyday. I keep getting up before my alarm since I just wanna get going to my workouts. I am also doing my best not to "lecture" people to doing all the stuff I enjoy doing, especially my Yoga Sculpt and Flow class that has been a pleasure to teach over the past few weeks:

Thank you Jeff for such an honest, non Chat-GPT inspired review. You're all guaranteed to feel the same way :)

For those that want in (besides Phoebe), here's the schedule for now:

• Wednesdays 6:30PM

• Saturdays 5:30PM (not too late to come today)

• Sundays 5:30PM

All of you still reading the blog and watch all the podcasts get a free lifetime membership!!

Between training, teaching class, and juggling work, my days are pretty full, even though I tell myself I'm not that busy. It makes me feel better since I don't like being busy.

So are you rich now!?

Yes! Since August 20, I made $37! Probably by the end of the year, I'll make enough to have paid for my new mini fridge that holds everyone's favorites eucalyptus towels:

Lol that's not much.... so why even do this??

It's fun. Something outside my comfort zone. And it keeps my garage clean, a problem I've had for many years and this seems to be the solution that's worked well. I also like helping people with fitness stuff. I'm not sure how long I'll do this for. Perhaps till the end of the year?

Cool. What else is on your mind these days?

Talking about relationships and mental health.

Seriously. What often reminds me of my real purpose in life is when friends reach out to talk about their own relationships. Marriages under strain, dating struggles, and the weight of mental health in the mix. All I can really come up with is to share the most important part of the "Terwin" story. The time in late 2020 that we were separated. She was in Atlanta. I was in California. Not fun for someone who just got married less than a year ago.

These conversations, even through text, remind me that the most important things in life aren’t our race times or our job titles, but how we love each other when it’s hard. To just trust the process of doing the right things, or the hard things and know that God is in control of the outcome. And He is good.

It reminds me of why I train for races and teach classes I'm not good at teaching. We got to show up every day, doing hard things, so that one day when we really need to do hard things when It really counts, we can do them.

That may be as simple as not losing your cool when someone wrongs you. Or having a hard conversation at work. I'm not sure.

This summarizes all the lectures I give people these days...

The Recap

I'm okay sharing this again and again. Maybe one day I'll have a story more important to me than this one. This is really at the top of the list.

Back in 2021, Teri and I hit the hardest season of our marriage. We were separated for months. I was angry, confused, and convinced I knew what was best. So were many of you that followed along. But through that season, I was humbled. I learned that doing the hard thing in relationships isn’t about proving you’re right or waiting for the other person to change. It’s about asking yourself: What do I need to own? How can I love even when it doesn’t make sense?

Many of you don't want to hear that right now. You're hurt. You want the person back. Or perhaps you're grieving and you won't ever see them again. I get it. Actually I don't, since everyone's situation is different and just because I've went through things doesn't mean I fully understand and can empathize with you.

But I am really sorry for what you're going through. I wish I could do something more for you. All I can think of besides have you come over is to share this post.

The darkest season of my life taught me to take care of myself, lean into faith, and let God shape my heart. It showed me that patience, empathy, and humility matter more than winning an argument and feeling understood. And ultimately, it gave Teri and me a chance to rebuild, imperfectly, but with hope.

It's a miracle that we got back together and I always tear up thinking about bottom. I still miss her deeply and am probably hiding some of the lingering grief with my full calendar, now trying to train for an Ironman and Hyrox at the same time.

Some Photos during the Long Drive Back

Sharing this story doesn’t make the ache for me or you go away. But I share it because I believe someone out there needs to know they’re not alone. Even in the darkest times, God is still present, still writing something beyond what we can see. I definitely didn't see it in late 2021 when we were separated and in April 2, 2023 when she passed away, but when I fast forward to now, there's no doubt that God will continue to work in my life for His glory and has a beautiful plan beyond my wildest dreams.

Meanwhile, every day I'm thankful that Teri is really in a better place, free from suffering, being heartbroken, and doing what she did so well. Learning more about Jesus.

Here's the podcast I recorded today out of the blue where I go deeper into this story: the separation, the near-divorce, the lessons I wish I had known earlier, and how faith carried us through.

What does it mean to fight for love when everything feels lost?

My hope is that it encourages you, wherever you are in your journey.

Thank You!

Okay it's time to clean the house. Or maybe go swimming. Or take a much needed nap. If you made it this far and had the time to watch the video, I'd love some honest feedback, please share in the comments or reach out to me.

Blessings,

Erwin