Back in Canada | Why Do Hard Things?

“The secret joys of living are not found by rushing from point A to point B, but by slowing down and inventing some imaginary letters along the way.” – Douglas Patels

Happy Monday Everyone,

Greetings from Calgary, Canada! At the airport a bit early with dad, waiting for our flight:

I had an amazing trip. I love coming here now, even with all the snow that fell yesterday. Here are some nice solo shots of me you can send to your friends and family:

Also cool that I can check off the box that I was here when it snowed. I’m not a big fan of snow and winter sports….

Why am I here? It was a privilege and I’m truly sad to leave again. I’m so fortunate to be here for a very special weekend: My Aunt and Uncle’s 50th Anniversary!

What about your race? How did it go?

Many of you asked about my race…. It’s this coming Sunday. Thanks for checking in! You can follow along here:

Ironman Tracker

I hope the race is not a disaster. My achilles is doing fine. I'm thankful to be injury free again. But as usual on my trips I ate a lot and didn’t train too much. Oh well. We'll see how things go.

Congrats Uncle Froi and Auntie Telay!

Uncle Froi and Auntie Telay's Golden Anniversary

Getting to 50 years of marriage is a huge milestone. I don’t envision making it to that milestone in marriage, given that I’m 40 now and I’d have to meet someone ASAP. It’s all good though. 50 years of marriage is a long time.

What's most memorable about the event was all the speeches given by my relatives. Many of them shared about the time that my uncle Froi was hospitalized in London for almost two months and almost didn't make it. He’s in his 70s and had a kidney transplant, so there was alot going against him while in the hospital. It involved several members traveling back and forth as well to support him. Long story that I won’t get into here. It's really a miracle that he's here with us today and made the celebration even more special.

If Teri was here in Canada...

As I reflect on this recent trip, I can easily imagine how things would have gone if Teri were here, and surprisingly, it brings a smile to my face. I still miss her deeply, and special moments like celebrating a golden wedding anniversary remind me how grateful I am for the time we had together, even if it was just a few years:

Another great opportunity to share some more wedding photos :)

First off, we would have probably argued—my obsession with training for my upcoming race would have driven her crazy. I kept telling my cousins I needed to train in the morning and only did so yesterday and today. She’d have said, "See, I knew this would happen the moment you signed up for that race."

I would have woken up early to train while she was still sleeping, or maybe convinced her to join me for a yoga or HIIT class. She usually had a point when she challenged me on things, even though I always thought I had to have my way. There’s a long list of moments like that, but I don’t need to recall them all right now; they’re scattered throughout the blog.

Thankfully, my cousins here have been super understanding of my routine. Lee Jay and I even went mountain biking on Saturday after the renewal of vows ceremony in Canmore, which was a blast—especially when he took a spill on the trail…

So much fun riding with all the leaves on the trail

Teri would also have been annoyed about me having to work remotely when we could something fun. Especially today when there’s snow.

Teri was simply good at making the most of every vacation we went on. I can’t remember her ever working or even bringing her laptop. She knew when it’s time to relax and enjoy. I’ve gotten better at this but have a long way to go.

We Can Do Hard Things...but What’s the point?

FYI I wrote the stuff below about a week ago, but like always, didn't get to finish it. It's now even more relevant now after reflecting on the Golden Anniversary and my upcoming race.

I really didn't think much about the We Can Do Hard Things pillow on in the living room until after Teri passed away. I shared during in the Eulogy that the pillows are what came to mind since I did a lot of sitting in that living room that week right after she passed away. The living room has a lot more going on, including the new bat Squishmallow I got because Halloweeen is coming up:

How things look when Mayo doesn’t mess things up…

Now I've been thinking about this topic even more.

We never really talked about why she got the pillow and what that really meant to us. I mean it's obvious to me, so why talk about it? The emotions wheel... well that was even more obvious since we used it often when I she asked about how I did feel about ____ and I was at a loss of words.

So how am I feeling now?

Last Sunday (and Today) I'm feeling: Thankful, Optimistic, and Content.

I have SO much to be thankful for these days.

I have my good health. I’m not really fearful or worried about my upcoming Ironman. I’ve been through this stuff before. And if it’s terrible, I’ll have more stories for you here to share. I can’t wait! I’m quite optimistic about the race despite my Garmin telling me I’m in “recovery” mode and I can only run a 4:02 marathon. Whatever.

I am content because I had pizza this past weekend. Only once:

So happy to eat pizza after a long day

At the Golden Anniversary, it’s obvious that not everyone has good health. Still breaks my heart that my dad isn’t in the best condition, given how many lives he’s literally saved in his career as a surgeon. I wish he would get better and focus on things he has control over, like diet and exercise.

I still have a handful of people reading this blog and are curious about what's going on with me. Some even asked me recently for updates. Phoebe and Dan made my day on Sunday. They bought Terwin's favorite beer since they remember reading about it over a year ago when I wrote about Where We Fell in Love:

I guess I'll enter the Berlin Marathon Lottery since everyone is doing it...

When I saw the two kegs of beer at their house today from Costco, it reminded me of Teri. I didn't want to say anything since I thought it was just a coincidence that they bought it. When they shared its so we can have a party for Oktoberfest and they learned about it from the blog, it made me smile. I thought that was SO thoughtful. No wonder they're always getting promoted at church and I'm still at the same job since I started...lol :)

My Relatively Easy Life

I feel a bit embarrassed to share what’s on my mind these days. Many of you hear from me directly on the list below:

Personal:

• Finding the time to blog and write my book

• Finding excuses as to why I keep eating 2 and three dinners and not doing anything about it

• Finding excuses to go to Yoga instead of swim or run (lets be real, it's another place I could meet someone cute)

My only healthy dinner last week with Bryan and Samantha

Professional:

• Picking and implementing a new ERP System at my company in record time (gotta get rid of all those excel spreadsheets…)

• Managing my limited PTO days at my new company (upcoming travel for my race)

  
  

I was sharing in my life group that I feel like the “irvine life” can be so dangerous since it’s just so comfortable. I have it the best being single, walking around the lake, and figuring out when to take rest days for training. I’m 15 minutes away from the beach. Why in the world would I want to change things?

Last minute swim at Corona Del Mar after work, water was cold

I am not saying we should make life difficult on purpose. I do think we need to be very clear with what it means to “focus on yourself” or “focus on the kids.”

Being around lots of parents these days, this seems to be the theme. It’s obvious because where our time goes dictates our priorities. I feel like my mom and did this quite well. I grew up and didn’t experience much hardship. They also never ever fought in front of me. Both my mom and dad, then my mom and stepdad. I’m so thankful.

I really enjoy seeing day to day life with my Canada cousins. I spent more time with Neal and Salina, who always go above and beyond for me with accommodations. Given my diet challenges we all had sushi yesterday:

Well I had Ramen…which is better then pizza

So does focusing on the kids mean more quality time with them? Can focusing on the kids mean you find a quality spouse that you can model a healthy marriage? It’s like saying “I want to be healthy” but that can mean different things (good bloodwork, fast marathon time, etc..). there’s not one answer for “focusing on kids” and “being healthy” but there are definitely answers that are better than others. and at the end of the day, God should be at the center of it.

As you all know, I focused a ton on Teri. She’s not here anymore. I blog here partially since thinking about her and sharing stories with you all about her still makes me happy. But she’s not here anymore and ultimately I need to have a bigger purpose with my life that isn’t about Teri.

I guess this is what’s on my mind regarding “doing hard things.” But what’s the point? Why bother when getting through the day is busy enough?

You just don’t know when it’s time…

I’ll share how this all came to my mind within the past few weeks. I was speaking with a close friend who recently lost his father to cancer. This person rarely gives me advice, but given the challenges I’ve been dealing with, decided to open up this one time.

He shared that one of most difficult times he’s had in life was all the last few arguments he had with his dad, who refused to eat, given he was under nourished (due to chemo treatments). His dad refused to listen to him and any of the family members literally telling him that he needs to eat if he wants to stay alive.

At first I thought, ugh so ridiculous. Why wouldn’t he just eat??

But then I thought about me, and what I tell myself when I’m eating my 2nd dinner. Why would I eat when I’m already full?? It’s the same thing. I don’t want to do the hard things. And I’ll feel better hearing others feed into my excuses, like “Erwin you train a lot eat whatever you want.”

One moment that stood out to me on this trip was when I was eating cookies at Lee Jay and Kathy’s house. On the way out I wanted one more. Lee Jay said no.

Us hanging out at the venue, setting up

It stood out since most people don’t say no to me. I am on vacation! Edwin is usually an exception, being the older brother and isn’t afraid of telling me what to do. Larry is pretty good at this as well. I need more people like these, they know when I’ve had enough and know I’ll regret it later.

Like me losing Teri, seen how the death of my friends father has changed him forever. My friend is not the same, and is probably still grieving.

That story has really got me thinking. That day may come to me. I may not want to listen to friends and family regarding something life threatening. Or maybe I do, but I won’t want to take action since I’ve been used to “giving in” to my selfish desires. In other words, I won’t be able to do the hard things when it REALLY counts.

Lee Jay shared in his speech about the difficulty of doing the hard things while his dad was in the hospital. Its not easy taking care of your parents (trust me, I know as I sit by my dad now). Thankfully he kept going and got help from others and here we all are now, getting to celebrate this past weekend.

Anyways, like usual I’m not sure if this is making any sense. I also don’t know what help everyone needs. Some may need professional help (like I have with my therapist and psychiatrist). We are all different, and also need grace and love for ourselves and each other.

Some of you are fine. I’m encouraged. This isn’t targeted at anyone. Just another brain dump of what’s on my mind. Maybe it’s helpful for you. Feel free to share in the comments. I’m sure you all have your own stories like I do.

Okay time to board the plane. Have a great week everyone! Stay healthy. Hope to see you all soon. Thanks for reading!

Step 1 in doing hard things: Be stronger than your excuses!