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Writer's pictureErwin Edillon

Once Again, I was was wrong

Dear Muir Rock family,


It's that time again....another "fun" race coming up so haven't been doing too much besides last minute dieting and training for the Calgary 70.3 race at the end of the month. Mostly training in the pool. Boo. I really don't like swimming.


Had Costco chicken and a hot dog for dinner, not too bad. Great way to save money too.

Why the pool? Well the recent heatwave in Calgary means the swim will probably not be wetsuit legal and that is NOT GOOD. Let's just say that my special body with lots of heavy leg muscles really benefits from using a wetsuit so I can float better. I haven't figured out balance in the water just yet even though I've been doing triathlons for over a decade. Drives me crazy. I should be decent by now.


Swimming reminds me of bowling and basketball. Sports I should be good at but always ended up being terrible at even with lots of practice and lessons.


Another 2024 goal: Take some swimming lessons and get my 500 yd time under 8 minutes (currently at 9:22). I'm really determined to be a better swimmer.


My biggest half ironman disaster (while properly trained) was during the 2023 Silverman 70.3 in Henderson, NV. Thank God they cancelled that race for good. Things didn't really go to plan:


  • My bike and Mazda CX-5 that it was locked up to got stolen a week before so I had to use my road bike (not good).

  • Race was not wetsuit legal. I almost missed the swim cut off. Tons of anxiety/energy spent swimming In very hot water.

  • Tons of winds during the bike (even worse without a tri bike).

  • ~95 degrees during the run, just got hotter as the day went on.

  • I spent a lot of time walking on the run (I almost never walk in a race).


Calgary 70.3 won't be nearly as bad as Silverman 70.3 since the race isn't that hilly. I've also done this race before so I know what to expect (hot, windy, swim is gonna suck). I can't take this race lightly like I did with Chattanooga 70.3. Oh well, I'll let you all know how it goes.


Once again, I was wrong...


Enough about training and racing. Maybe I'll do a podcast on some details this weekend if time permits. I'm doing OK these days. Better than I deserve. I have Jesus, Mayo, lots of friends and family that continue to love me, a place to live, a job, a few bikes, and I'm getting healthier each day. I'm gonna beat pre-diabetes without meds. More on that later.

Slow and steady wins the race

What's my heart up to these days? It's in risk mitigation mode. That means still gonna focus on Teri. The public story is that I don't want to really date or at least use online dating. It is what it is. It's safer to focus on other stuff than to try to love again. I need to focus on work and now is not a good time to date. Loving someone so much and then losing them is not fun. Trust me. Try not to lose a really cute spouse right after you get married and are just about to settle down and have kids. It's no fun.


I think I know why I feel this way, 472 days after losing Teri to cancer. Research shows that year two of losing your spouse really sucks.


I'm not crazy for thinking this way. I'm crazy to tell myself that the best thing someone has shared with me within the last month was from this excerpt that Tiffany shared with me the other day:

Research shows it takes about five years after someone dies for the surviving spouse to feel like himself or herself again, and that the second year is the hardest. When I first heard that, I thought it sounded a little bit dramatic. Maybe other people needed all that time to pull themselves together, but not me. Once again, I was wrong. When Johnnie died, followed shortly thereafter by my mother’s passing, I thought my toes had curled in on themselves. I could hardly move. And as the weeks went by, and then the months, it didn’t seem like I was making much progress. Finally, we marked the one-year anniversary of Johnnie’s death, and I breathed a sigh of relief. At last, I thought, I can get back on my feet. Not so fast. That second year really was the worst — in large part, I suspect, because everyone (myself included) thought I’d already conquered all of the big milestones (Johnnie’s birthday, Fathers’ Day, Christmas, our wedding anniversary, etc.), and I’d made it “through.” But then, just when I thought things might get better, Grief would jump me from behind. Again. It's been nearly seven years since Johnnie died. Somewhere along the way, maybe around the five-year mark, I realized I was still standing upright and moving forward, and so — thankfully — were the girls. Nobody flunked out of school; nobody is on drugs (unless you count the occasional Tylenol PM); and nobody has run off and married the lead singer in a rock band (although, if I am to be honest, I must tell you there were plenty of days when I thought about it). - Dee Oliver The Undertaker's Wife: A True Story of Love, Loss, and Laughter in the Unlikeliest of Places

You know when you spend time with someone and they listen and understand and you're just so happy that someone finally gets it and you really feel it? Isn't it the best? I think so.


That's how I felt when I was walking around the block with Mayo on a quiet Saturday afternoon and Tiffany shared this quote. Whohoo!! I'm not crazy for thinking I'm going crazy because year 2 of losing Teri seems a lot harder than year 1. And I don't need to explain this to anyone since there's evidence referenced in her book. Thank you Jesus for providing someone like Tiffany who I can relate to because we both lost our spouses and still read and talk about grief all the time.


I don't get it... why do you think you're going crazy?? You're doing great Erwin. You are so hard on yourself. Everyone loves you.


Here's some proof....

Let's talk about the new bed setup. No this Is not the guest room that I set up for Salina when she comes to visit next week (counting down the days). This is in MY room. Here's what I did recently:


  • I'm using Teri's queen size bed she was so happy to buy for the guest room (switched with the king bed since the king bed felt too big for just me and Mayo)

  • I'm using Teri's peach/pink comforter and pillow cases (the ones that have been stored away for a long time)

  • I put the red star pillow on the right side because it reminds me of Teri's thanksgiving outfit (thanks again Emilyn)

  • I added the flower rug from Costco (thanks Emilyn for the green light)


It gets better... I'm also using Teri's peach towels to shower in, even though I never liked them as much as the regular Costco towels since they're not that soft. But they are peach and they match the bed so why not??


What about the house plants?


I spend every morning outside for ~10 minutes doing a cold plunge and would feel sad that there was so many old plants / plant stuff that Teri left behind. Time to bring in the experts and fix this once and for all. So on a weekend, I consolidated all the plants into one place and reached out to Nerissa from E40 to help:

All the plants from inside and outside the house gathered together

I said to Nerissa like I say to my direct reports when I am lazy and overwhelmed, "Just figure it out and tell me what you would do and try not to get me involved."


First, she came over to do a consultation and took some plants home that needed attention. After two visits, Nerissa made all the plants in and out of the house look beautiful!



There's more but you'll need to visit to see the rest of them. Thanks again Nerissa!


This is probably just the beginning of me making the house look like Teri lives here again. I don't know what's going on again but I do know that the seeing the peach/pink sheets when It's time for bed and then having Mayo jump In the bed just before I fall asleep makes me fall asleep with a smile. I might as well start listening to BTS music on my way to work tomorrow. Hopefully I don't end up moving to Atlanta. I'll try not to.


Any other good news?


While I miss Teri and think about her every day, I've started to feel a lot better emotionally because I've been taking care of myself better than ever. Ever since I got that 6.2 A1C result and started taking my diet, exercise and sleep (yes sleep) a lot more seriously, I've been smiling more and more these days (as shown in the first photo).


I've told many people that before I met Teri, one of my first world problems was to find a rest day from training since I'd want to ride and run so often. With all the training I've been doing lately, I finally hit that point again. I haven't taken a day off in a long time. Here's the volume of training I've done in 2024:


35 hours already logged in July and the month is just about halfway over. It feels good again to put in 1-2 hours in the morning and an occasional ride or long walk in the evening and not feel too tired. I don't feel as young and fit as I used to, but things are going in the right direction.


A few of my small group members reached out to me with interest In doing a mini triathlon on a Saturday. Those talks usually don't materialize, so I didn't really bet on it. But It did happen, and we had a lot of fun, well at least I did:



Spending my Saturday morning with these guys reminded me of how much fun I have with helping people get in shape. It reminded me of my story of barely being able to swim across the pool and run a half mile on the treadmill because I spent several years after college just working and going to MBA school instead of staying healthy. Then I signed up for my first race and 100+ races later, I'm still doing them. I'm looking forward to Calgary 70.3 even with the heat wave, no wetsuit, and having to borrow my cousin's bike. I'll get to the finish line one way or another.


So what were you wrong about?


Lots of things on top of thinking that year 2 would be easier than year 1. I really thought things were gonna be easier. I was wrong.


  • I've been wrong for judging a lot of people and their circumstances because of their life decisions. I thought I knew better.

  • I've been wrong about mental health and what people need to do when going through depression.

  • I've been wrong about thinking I was ready for a relationship shortly after Teri passed away.

  • I've been wrong that I know better than the people closest to me. I'm very humbled that the siblings kind of forced me to get my blood work done and keep lecturing me about making better choices with diet. I could have waited another year or two and then ended up with diabetes.


I still have my list of things I don't really want to listen to people about. Stuff I don't want to write about since I want to avoid the lectures and still down my own thing.


Lots more to write about, but now it is time to sleep. I was also wrong about sleep and that I'm the best for only needing 5 hours of sleep a night. Bad idea. There's a correlation with my blood sugar and not getting enough sleep. More on that later.


Thanks for reading, not sure what I was trying to get out of today's post besides get something down since it's been a few weeks.


What were you wrong about? We all benefit from learning from one another. Please share in the comments.


Have a great rest of the week!

Erwin

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Thanks for continuing to share about your journey. It has been so helpful to know how the journey has been for you, so that we can be a better support to you and also to others who may be grieving as well. :) We were hit with Covid a couple of weeks ago, and I have a lung inflammation from it, so we haven't quite come out of the woods yet. We are also going on vacation next week, so we will have you and Mayo over in August sometime. Phong has a new magic trick I'm sure he'd love to show you too (in addition to talking about his new findings with day trading :D) Take care!

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I didn’t know year 2 was more difficult :(

Optional: It might be nice to add some of Teri’s favorite plushies and a night stand on the other side if you have. Also I think the rug is supposed to be horizontal?

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