Three Years Later | Be Strong and Courageous
- Erwin Edillon
- 9 hours ago
- 9 min read
Hello everyone,
It’s Holy Thursday. First, thank you Jesus for doing the hardest thing of all, dying on the cross for us. Because of You, we have hope beyond this life. Because of You, we will be reunited with our loved ones like Teri one day. That truth means everything today, and it changes how I see everything else in this post.
Visiting Village Church
Not sure where to put this random but relevant update so I'll just put it here since there's an Israel photo, and the Celebration of Life Service has the video of us going to Israel.
Some of you may know that I've been praying about attending other churches, as I miss the culture and feel I had at FCBC Walnut. I still like Mariner's and am so thankful for the community and great preaching. We can talk about this in person if you're interested, or if you have ideas. I've considered even going back to FCBC Walnut, but it's a bit far. So last Sunday I checked out Village Church, the place I attend BSF every Thursday night. I did so this past weekend. I really enjoyed it.
Pastor David talked about Israel, and showed this modern day photo, which highlights the dome of the rock photo I have with Teri as my phone background.
It felt like a small but meaningful reminder that God is still leading me, even in this new season.
Three Years Later
April 2 marks three years since Teri passed away. I took the day off without much of a plan. The feelings that come to mind are thankful, humbled, and honestly a little sleepy. I woke up early, got a few easy workouts in, walked Mayo around the lake, and stopped by Grocery Outlet to pick up some flowers. Then I took a two hour nap, even though my Garmin didn't record it as a nap so I didn't get any recovery credit for it. It's been a quiet and simple kind of day, which I think is what I needed. I’m really thankful for the opportunity to take the day off in the middle of the week and just slow things down.
Mayo needs a bath...
Unlike last year, where I had a lot of friends and family over and called It the "Best Day Ever" I chose this year to spend most of the day alone at home with Mayo. I think I just didn't want to make today a big event, even though big events at my house always make me pretty happy, especially If I just to give presentations the whole time. While difficult, there’s something about being alone that helps me process things more clearly. It’s not sad in the same way as before. It’s more reflective, more grounded, and honestly more peaceful than I expected.
How'd it all go?
Like always during our anniversary on 9/8 and her heavenly anniversary on 4/2, I watched the Celebration of Life service:
I always have different reactions when I watch it. At first, I don’t really want to. I know it will make me emotional, and life has been pretty good lately, so part of me thinks, why go there? Why stir things up when things feel stable? Why keep living in the past? I don’t want to build my life around grief. Time to move forward. It’s been three years…
But I’m always glad I do :)
Her favorite verse is what I needed to hear again:
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” - Joshua 1:9, NIV
I’ve heard that verse many times over the years. I’ve quoted it here several times, shared it with friends, and thought I understood it. I summarize it by saying, do hard things. But lately, I’ve been realizing something that’s been a little uncomfortable to admit. I haven’t really been living it...
I guess my real takeaway from watching the service is still the same thing I often say to others. Life is short. You never know when you’ll lose your loved ones like Teri. They can be here today and gone the next day. At the time of writing this, my good friend Jessica is in Canada attending a celebration of life service for her uncle who also passed away from lung cancer at a relatively young age. A close colleague's wife was recently hospitalized. Do hard things now so you can do the right things when life gets difficult, when it really counts. That message hasn’t changed, but it feels like it’s hitting me in a different way this year.
We Can Do Hard Things Together
I have some wonderful friends who have made this new phase of my life really rewarding. They make doing hard things a lot easier. I'll share about some of them.
Back in college, I gave my friend Adrianna a bit of help in some of our engineering classes and was also her manager when I was in charge of the computer lab. Fast forward ~20 years later, and she’s been incredibly supportive and the friend I think everyone needs, especially with my fitness goals and more, like what's my purpose in life. Lately I've been confused and I'm not sure why I do what I do. She asks me the kinds of questions I usually ask others but haven’t really answered for myself. She challenges my objectives, my motivations, and calls me out in a way that not many people do.
She’s also one of the only people who consistently calls me out on my lame excuses. And honestly, I don’t enjoy it. I like my excuses. I ignore her when she says something like "you're accumulating swim debt" since I have been going to a lot of yoga again and my agreement with her is that I swim more than I go to yoga or I owe her money.
I already exercise a lot, around 15 hours a week. So what if I don’t bike or swim as much as I should? I’ll be fine. I’ll complete the race. It’s not a big deal. But deep down, I know that mindset carries over into other areas of life too. It shows up in procrastinating on things like taxes, avoiding conversations I know I need to have, and choosing comfort over growth in subtle ways that are easy to justify.
If we do Hyrox this year.. we are gonna get on the podium! Or maybe top 10...
I also recently had lunch with Steve, one of my life group members, after his dad passed away. Our offices are right next to each other, so we went to Panini Kabob Grill, my usual spot when someone wants to have lunch by my office. I order the same thing every time I come here. It was a simple lunch, but it reminded me again how short life is and how important it is to show up for people and be intentional with spending time with them, just like Gretchen and Phong have been doing with me every few months for dinner at their house. These moments, as small as they seem, have been shaping how I think about what really matters.
Thankful for My Life Group..Past and Current Members. Especially when we volunteer at stuff...
What makes that realization even more humbling is that my life right now is actually pretty darn good. I have a stable job at a growing company. I’m training for races. I have great friends. I have family around me. I’m very slowly building community through Muir Rock Fitness & Yoga. There’s a lot to be thankful for, and I genuinely feel that. But at the same time, I’ve been struggling to do hard things. Not the big, obvious ones, but the small ones that quietly shape your life. Getting on the bike trainer when I don’t feel like it. Procrastinating on things like taxes. Making my bed. Doing devos in the morning vs. rushing through them at night before I fall asleep. Avoiding conversations I know I need to have. Choosing comfort over growth in ways that are easy to justify.
It’s strange when I really think about it. When life was objectively harder, when Teri was sick and everything felt uncertain, I didn’t have the option to avoid hard things. I had to show up. I had to be present. I had to lean on God in ways that felt very real. There was no hiding behind comfort. Now life is more stable, and somehow I’ve found myself drifting. Not away from God completely and getting lazy, but away from dependence on Him. I’ve been relying more on checking the boxes that I did what looks good (go to BSF, serve at church, go to life group, etc..) and comfort than on trust.
Another moment that stood out for me. For the first time in a while, I shared "The Terwin Story" with my FCBC friends April and Jason last Friday (the same story I shared a year ago and two years ago).
Yayyy more kids….time for me to run VBS again?
I haven’t seen them in over a decade. But we didn’t skip a beat catching up. I’m so thankful for friends like them willing to drive far to see me and bring me a healthy meal!
The Terwin Story Isn’t About Us
As I was talking through the ~150 photos with Jason and April, something clicked that I hadn’t fully seen before. This story isn’t about me and Teri and all the work we did to get through the ups and downs of dating long distance, mental health challenges, and battling cancer. It needs to be about Jesus and His work. It can't be about what I say, but in how I live.
It’s a miracle we found each other
It’s a miracle we stayed married
It’s a miracle Teri grew so much in her faith through bible reading, BSF, and her community
It’s a miracle I’m in the place I’m in, 3 years after passing.
Teri’s life didn’t point to herself. It pointed to Him. As Pastor Yohan shared, the reason she wanted a celebration of life service wasn’t to highlight her story, but to point people to the God she trusted. Even in the hardest moments, she wasn’t trying to control the outcome. She was trusting the One who was with her. “Be strong and courageous… for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go,” wasn’t just something she believed. She lived it.
Watching the celebration of life service was a humble reminder that Teri was strong and courageous one when she moved from Atlanta to California, leaving behind everything familiar. She stepped into serving in Children's ministry, even when she felt uncomfortable. She was strong and courageous when she faced cancer for the first and second time. And she was strong and courageous at the very end. That moment in the hospital during those last moments still stays with me. The decision she made wasn’t just brave, it was surrendered. She trusted that God was with her, even there. Especially there.
That kind of courage doesn’t come from personality or discipline. It comes from knowing Jesus deeply.
Easter Changes Everything
And I think that’s what I’ve been missing lately. I’ve been trying to live life off of momentum, seeking validation from others, and comfort instead of dependence. I’ve been assuming that because life is going well, chasing my next race goal, going to BSF and church, I’m doing well spiritually and no one needs to worry about anything. But comfort can quietly pull us away from needing God. Not in obvious ways, but in subtle ones. I rarely need to pray unless I'm with my church friends and we are going to start a meal because things feel manageable. I avoid hard things because nothing is forcing us into them, and I choose what's easy since no one is going to say anything. I'm doing more than enough so people can leave me alone. Before I know it, we’re not really living with courage anymore, we’re just maintaining.... just like my Garmin keeps telling me:
I’ve been in a ‘maintaining’ mode lately… not really growing.
Joshua 1:9 doesn’t say to be strong and courageous only when life is hard. It calls us to live that way always, not because of our situation, but because of God’s presence. “The Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” That includes the small, everyday moments. It includes getting on the bike trainer when I don’t feel like it, sitting down to do my taxes instead of putting it off, and having the hard conversations I’ve been avoiding. Those things may seem small compared to what Teri was forced to go through, but I’m starting to see that they matter more than I thought, because they reveal what I actually believe.
With Easter coming up, this has been hitting me even more. Easter is the reminder that this story has always been about Jesus. His life, His sacrifice, and His resurrection are the reason any of this makes sense. I dont need to make this week about me and making it to 3 years. Holy week is about Jesus, not Erwin. Teri’s courage makes sense because Jesus went before her. Her peace makes sense because death wasn’t the end. Her faith makes sense because she knew who she belonged to. And the same is true for me.
Thank You
Three years later and spending most of today thinking about her, no doubt I still miss Teri deeply and wish she was here. That simply hasn’t changed and while I'll be back In a few weeks with more insights and stories to share. But what is becoming clearer to me now is that her life continues to shape mine, not by drawing attention to itself, but by pointing me back to Jesus. I don’t think I need a harder life right now. I think I need a deeper dependence on God in the life I already have. I need the courage to stop avoiding, to follow through and live with integrity, to lean into discomfort, and to trust Him not just in crisis, but in consistency.
Because the same God who was with Teri is with me, wherever I go.
And maybe that’s the real invitation this Easter. Not just to remember what Jesus did, but to be strong and courageous, not because life will be hard one day, but because He is with us.
Happy Easter!
Erwin
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