We Can Do Hard Things. But Why? | 26 Months

I was supposed to finish this last night, but I went to sleep early :)

Good morning everyone!

Hope everyone had a good weekend. It's been forever again. Thanks to the friends and family checking in with me, asking about my next blog post. I blocked off the 2nd of every month in my calendar so I post at the minimum, once a month. I keep telling everyone that deals with ADHD that the more you schedule your important routines in your calendar and treat them like any other appointment, the better. I should do the same...

I'd like to write and podcast more, but like usual, I'm full of (good) excuses with why I've been busy. Or maybe just lazy. Or maybe this just isn't as much of a priority as it used to be. And that’s OK.

But first, Happy belated Mother’s Day!

Random Photos From Church and Greg and Meli’s house.

A Mother’s Day Memory

This past Mother's Day reminded me of Teri. I've been to a few weddings over the past few weeks.

I wanted to post an short excerpt from our wedding highlight video. I first made this clip for Mother's day to post on social media, but after thinking about It, I felt better if I just shared it here:

Thank you Mom for stealing the show at our wedding!

For those who weren’t there, this time on the dance floor was a surprise that Mom planned. She picked a song and just wanted to walk slowly with me. I thought she was going to make a speech or sing a song (that's what I want to do If I get to surprise someone at a wedding, lol). But it was her moment, and it was beautiful. I’m so glad it was captured.

Editing the video made me realize how different things feel when I slow down. Watching things in half speed, I noticed so much more and a mini roller coaster of emotions I’ve ignored lately. I’m someone who plays everything at 2x speed (podcasts, audiobooks, etc.). But slowing down, especially to relive a memory with my mom and Teri, brought things into sharp focus.

The video reminded me of the time many of us spent together the day before Teri passed away. We all had to let her go so she can be with Jesus and the rest of our loved ones in heaven. And realizing still how hard it is to let go, even when it’s right...

Thank You Friends and Family For your Love and Support on 4/1/23

Until we meet again :)

An Honest Recap of the last 26 Months

This grief journey has taught me too many things to count. I have a greater appreciation for core values and how important values are to me. I am attracted to different people and have prioritized different relationships that align with my values. What's not easy is to be OK with slowly letting others go that may not align with my values, even If I've known them for a long time. It doesn't mean letting go completely, but perhaps I don't need to spend as much time with them as I do now.

Quotes I've posted here that resonate with me even more lately.

For most that have been following along here know that what speaks the most to me are the values of patience, perseverance, and humility.

On the value of patience, one of the most surprising lessons I’ve learned recently is this: Sometimes the hardest thing to do is nothing. To be still. To rest. To trust that God is working even when I’m not.

Lately, I find it quite challenging to be around people who are hurried, or anxious. I'm like Teri and get annoyed when people act like Erwin and just have too much going on, no time to slow down, and relax.

I keep wanting to tell people to pause and breathe but don't want to trigger them since no one likes to hear that. Before getting married, I wasn't even aware of what anxiety was until Teri pointed out that I experienced it frequently and suggested I even see a specialist on anxiety. I believe I've made significant progress in managing my own anxiety, though I know there's still much room for improvement.

26 Months

Today, June 2, 2025, marks 26 months since Teri's passing. In most ways, it now seems like a long time ago, over two years! Wow, what a journey it's been. But when I pause and reflect on life with her during those final weeks, it can still feel like it was just yesterday, and I become very emotional and sad about it all. It's as if my mind possesses a unique ability to travel back in time and relive my life with her, right up to the moment she left us.

After Teri went to be with Jesus on April 2, 2023, I didn’t slow down that much. First came the Celebration of Life planning, then catching up with work, then blogging, races, podcasting, more workouts, yoga, new job, travel, and now teaching yoga. Too much.

I say this for myself more than anyone, because I almost get triggered by others when I feel that people have too much going on and aren't doing anything about it to make their life less busy. It's an area I felt like I learned the hard way after Teri passed away. Despite how busy I can be, I still want everyone to slow down.

Deep down, it really has felt like survival, doing what I needed to move forward and numb the pain of losing her. And maybe it was. I told myself I was doing hard things. And in some ways, I was.

When's your Next Race?

I went to a few weddings in the past few weeks. They were fun. Nice to see people get married:

Congrats to Lauren, Kyle, Donald and Davina!

Weddings usually means reconnecting with people I haven't seen in a while. I've had a lot of good things to say to people about how I'm doing. Some who I haven't seen in decades said that they read my blog, and that really encouraged me. I feel so loved and blessed by so many of you. Thank you.

What always comes up is the question, "When is your next race?" I guess this is all people think I do...

So lately I’ve started asking a deeper question: Am I really doing the hard things?? Or just doing the easy things… fast?

The truth is, what’s hard now isn’t crossing more finish lines at races. Doing races is actually the easy part. It's my escape from doing harder things. And that may sound crazy to most of you, but for someone that’s crossed over 100 finish lines, sometimes multiple in the same weekend, I’ve gotten to used to it.

My next race is Oregon 70.3 in July

Beyond racing, what’s hard these days is to say no when everything in me wants to say yes. Honoring the quiet, calm, relax when I crave distraction and attention, something I get because of racing. Choosing to rest or let go when my pride and desire to be seen says to keep pushing for those PRs.

More Difficult Conversations

For many of us, doing hard things mean having difficult conversations. To talk about things you should talk about but no one is going to force you to talk about, knowing you could hurt someone you care about in the short term.

I was honest with my therapist about something recently on the topic of dating again. I told him how confident I was before meeting Teri. I read all the Christian books, thought I really understood love, and truly believed I was ready.

And then came Teri. And everything changed. To summarize my time with her until now so you do n't have to read all the blog posts and hear my story is easily done with one word: Humbled.

While I'm happy with the outcome of meeting Teri and marrying her, I wouldn't say how we got to marriage was ideal. In many ways, I was anxious and wanted to rush, similar to how I feel today with wanting to meet someone new and resume married life. So have I really learned something new since then? Yes of course. But can I actually apply what I've learned?? Honestly I'm not so sure. Relationships are difficult. Especially if you feel lonely after 26 months of losing your wife.

Losing Teri 26 months ago didn’t just teach me how to grieve. It taught me how little I knew about love, humility, sacrifice, patience. I told my therapist, “I’ve learned the lessons now! Trust me on this one. I GET IT. The next time and hopefully sooner than ready, I’ll be ready.” He smiled gently and said, “You’d probably be great in the honeymoon stage.” And then he paused. “But it won’t be easy later on.”

And as usual I just sat there. A bit frustrated. A bit triggered, my pride in the moment getting the best of me. I know he’s right. But I want to prove him otherwise. I still have a track record in lots of areas of life that I start something strong but eventually “I’m over it” and find something else to focus on. No need to go through that list here, at least not today.

I still want to love again. I hope for that. I don’t like waiting. I want to start a family since it seems like the next thing for me do and most of my friends are doing it. In fact, most of my friends kids are now of age to consider getting married. I'm 41 now. Half speed is no fun when you can go at 2x speed. But I also know that true love isn’t earned because of my grief and suffering, feeling like God owes me something again after going through what I went through. It isn’t waiting for me at the end of a blog post. It’s something that will require even more of me, especially the version of me who can sit in stillness, not just achievement.

But why do hard things? Like waiting. Swimming. Filing taxes.

What I wrestle with the most is not what to do, but why I should do it....

A few weeks ago I got a dentist appointment reminder email. It was really a reminder to start flossing again so I don’t get lectured. So I turned it into a joke on Instagram:

I added captions like: “It’s OK if you need more time.” “The hygienist will still be there when you’re ready.”

It made me laugh. But it was also honest. I want to put everything imoprtant but not urgent off till a later date. Because sometimes, even clicking confirm feels like too much, even if so many of you (Including my mom) look forward to regular teeth cleaning. And that’s not laziness. Maybe it's just the weight of the season I'm still in. I don't want to do hard things. Especially if they just involve me and don't really affect others. The story of my single life right now, and I can blame the fact that "grief has no timeline" and no one can really say anything about It, because It's true.

No one really needs to deal with my teeth and the consequences of neglecting them because I can't commit to a teach cleaning every six months. Or the piles of clothes on the bedroom floor. My problem. Not yours. But stuff like this has been teaching me that there's something still going on internally that I need to resolve. I'm not sure what that is yet and how to really address this for good, besides I need to put in the hard work. There isn't a shortcut to doing hard things besides doing the hard things.

Conclusion

Thanks for reading. This blog has become a safe place for me to share honestly. I also wonder now if writing about Teri holds me back, and the real hard thing to do is to write about her less. I don't know. But I'm not writing to impress or attract anyone. I'm writing because it helps. And maybe it helps you too.

Living with truth, not performance, is hard. Especially for someone like me who likes sharing everything. But here’s my reminder to you and me:

We can do hard things. Not just the measurable ones. But the invisible ones. Like resting. Letting go. Living with humility.

I thought of Teri as I wrote this. I think she’d say, “That’s more than enough. And you’re not alone.”

Until next time,

Erwin