Life Lessons from France

Hello everyone,

Happy Memorial Day Weekend!

I wrote most of this while flying over the Atlantic from Paris back to Dallas, but like my other 22 draft posts, I didn't finish it until now. I had some minor jetlag Issues earlier this week, and have been getting up really early every morning (today was 4AM). Overall feeling grateful and still processing everything from my 8 day trip in France. So what else would I want to do right now besides another brain dump before I get busy with life again? I guess I already did since I'm not finishing this till almost a week later...

You Went to France? Pour Quoi?

Key Objectives:

• To visit the Knuth Family: Wesley, Annie, Audrey (10) and Justin (5)

• To finish another Race (Ironman 70.3 Aix-en-Provence)

• Bonus: Beat Wesley at the race (never beat him except when he crashed and had to DNF...)

Most of you know that I don't really like traveling. If I do go somewhere, it better be for a good reason, or I don't really have a choice. Traveling gets expensive. I actually like saving money, even if I keep ordering things on Amazon. There's always the jetlag. And honestly, if I ever meet someone special, then all bets are off, just like I did with all the trips Teri made me do when we first started dating. But for now, I prefer to stay home.

Before I left for France, I got a bunch of "Are you excited about your trip?" messages. My responses were along the lines of "not really" or "I guess so." I think I said "no" a few times. But why??

Not because I was too busy. Definitely not because I was running out of vacation time. I just really like being home in Irvine. I like my routine. I enjoy going to CorePower with my favorite people instead of swimming laps at the pool. I love teaching my Yoga Sculpt class, especially lately with more new students joining every week. I even talk a little about the theme of "Consistency over Intensity" in class, which turned out to be embarrassingly relevant on race day. Mayo is so cute, even when he barks at every single dog we pass around the lake. Life has been pretty good and easy lately. Why disrupt it by flying to France to do a difficult race that isn't a downstream swim?

For those that have asked me to travel with them and I said no... looking back on this trip, I'm a lot more open to future trips. Sorry for being so difficult.

Anyways, I'm so glad I went! Let's talk about it.

The Back Story

This whole trip started because of Wesley, one of my closest friends and someone I've known since the second grade. He loves me so much that he still uses Facebook Messenger to stay in touch (not too late to switch back vs use iMessage). We were pretty close in high school, went our separate ways in college, and reconnected in our late twenties through triathlon. You think I'm weird for going deep into race presentations and data analysis? You haven't seen anything, I think he's even more ridiculous. Wesley and I can talk about triathlon stuff for hours. It's almost embarrassing.

I thought that ~20 hours of time In the car would be a challenge. Nope! We still have lots to talk about. Crazy.

His last race (and win against me) was at Ironman Arizona in November 2015. Ten years away from the sport. Last August, he and his wife Annie made a decision that raised a lot of eyebrows in their world. They left Los Angeles and moved to Paris. He is my only close friend in his early forties who has retired. A completely different life!

Photos from our earlier races, mountain biking with Larry

His story genuinely fascinates me since it reminds me of some of the thoughts I went through about working after Teri passed away regarding the purpose of work.

A lot of his colleagues thought he was crazy. I'll be honest, I thought so too at first. In the world of private equity, most people don't stop, even when they've reached a net worth to retire very comfortably. For some, identity is so tied to the work, the hours, and the deals that walking away feels unthinkable. Watching Wesley do it voluntarily with the support of Annie, when I felt like he was just hitting his stride, made me uncomfortable in a way that forced me to look at my own priorities.

Something else worth knowing about Wesley and Annie: they met in high school. They dated other people in college, found their way back to each other, and have now known each other for over 25 years. Watching them together in France, I kept thinking about how rare that kind of foundation is. More on that later.

I think moving to Paris was one of the bravest things I've seen someone do...

Let's Fly to Paris!

Late last year Wesley asked me to come race Ironman 70.3 Aix-en-Provence with him. Great idea. I'd never been to Paris, I was on top of my training, and I finally had a real shot at beating him on his home turf. In the moment it seemed perfect. He stopped racing. I've stayed on it. Easy win.

For the record, I have never beaten Wesley in a triathlon. Not once. In roughly ten races together.

Also for the record, one of his other goals in life, besides early retirement, has always been making sure he had enough time after our races to change back into his regular clothes before doing anything else. This drove me absolutely crazy every single time.

I had a smooth flight from Santa Ana to Charlotte, then to Paris, and flew business class on some American Airlines upgrades I had been saving, which made all the difference. Wesley picked me up and the next day we drove south toward Aix-en-Provence, about seven hours through the French countryside. We stopped along the way and talked the entire time. We eventually met Annie and their two kids at our Airbnb on Thursday. She had taken the train down with them from Paris. Justin, their five year old, was there. Audrey, their ten year old, was there too. The race was Sunday. In between was some of the richest time I have had in a long time.

Photos from Day 1-3

Before the Lessons: Ecclesiastes 3

Before I get into what the trip taught me, I want to reshare Ecclesiastes 3, the passage I've been thinking about like every day for weeks We have been studying it at church. We discussed this this passage a few weeks ago. I was asked to read the passage during life group:

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. - Ecclesiastes 3 1-8 (NIV)

I wasn't prepared for an emotional response after reading it...

No one from my life group knew that I held back some tears since this same passage was really emotional for me a few years ago when I was in the middle of grieving. A time to die...

I think what hit me hardest is that the passage hadn't changed. But my life now has changed so much. For the better.

That's what this trip felt like. Not an escape from life, but a reminder that every season eventually gives way to another one, but only if you let it.

Lesson 1: There Is a Time to Stop Planning and Let Someone Else Carry It

I spend most of my week managing IT projects. I'm the planner. I tell my colleagues I'm the best project manager in the company! Check out all my certifications. Go ask my former chruch friends. I do birthday conferences. My love language is acts of service. I just want to do lots of stuff for everyone else, especially if it involves things that I'm good at. I like to organize everything, think through every detail, every dependency, every thing that could go wrong. I tell my team that our JIRA project management tool is one of the most important software our company. It's just how my brain works, and it's also, I've come to realize, a way of feeling in control when life doesn't cooperate.

This trip was quite the opposite of what I'm used to....

Wesley and Annie had everything handled. Every reservation, every stop, every decision. I didn't have to think. I just got to show up and make it from the airport to their apartment. Honestly, it made me a little uncomfortable at first, especially since I didn't even have to drive. I always try to drive. I'm used to being the one who figures everything out. But somewhere between Paris and Provence, with nothing to manage and nowhere to be, I felt something I haven't felt in a very long time. Real mental and physical rest.

All the little details they quietly took care of added up to something I didn't realize I needed. Reservations for dinner several weeks before we arrived at some amazing places. Sometimes the most important thing you can do is simply receive. Let someone else run the show and just be grateful that they chose you to love In this way. I felt more spoiled and cared for on this trip than I have in years, and I don't say that lightly.

So yes If you want me to come on your next vacation...I would be glad to show up! But I don't mind helping.

Cute photos of all of us before the race

Lesson 2: Do Hard Things, Especially When They Scare You

One of my honest goals for this trip, besides finally beating Wesley, was to figure out whether he and Annie were actually happy with their decision to move to Paris. This was several years of planning and I honestly was skeptical if it would ever happen. Who really leaves SoCal permanently for another country? I have some friends in long term missions, but even many of them have come back for good. Wesley didn't know French when they got there. They had a beautiful house in LA that I would frequently visit on the weekends for our long bike rides. Life was fine in my opinion. And they chose to downsize to a smaller furnished apartment, get rid of their cars, and start over in a city where they barely knew the language. Crazy. I know I could not have done it. I love being in Irvine and having my routine so much.

But is it even working for them??

Short answer: Yes!

After several “interviews” and just spending time with them, I kept noticing how unhurried everything felt compared to the life I know in Southern California. It made me sit with a question I think a lot of high-achieving people quietly avoid: What is all the work actually for?

Not in a cynical way. Work matters. Ambition matters. Building things matters. Organizing stuff matters...

I couldn't help wondering whether we've normalized a version of success that slowly disconnects us from our own lives. They didn't look like people who had stepped away from something. They looked like people who had stepped back into it.

But what moved me most wasn't just the brave decision to move. It was watching them be a team. Wesley and Annie met in high school, dated other people in college, found their way back to each other, and have now built a life together for over two decades. They are genuinely different people in a lot of ways, and yet they make it work and play to each others strengths, especially when it comes to parenting. Watching them in France reminded me that a meaningful life isn't just built through individual achievement. A meaningful life is often built along side someone. Not just a companion for trips or races, but a real partner. Someone who knows the whole story and shows up anyway. I'm not in a rush, and I'm not going looking for it. But France reminded me that part of my heart is open to that again, in a way I hadn't fully admitted to myself before.

The hard thing isn't always a race or a move to another country. Sometimes the hard thing is being honest about what you actually want. And making the changes needed in life that may be unpopular or unconfortable.

Pasadena Triathlon, Audrey's 1st Birthday Party, Terwin Wedding

Lesson 3: I need to take "Consistency over Intensity" for real.

This is probably the most important lesson from the trip for me and honestly the most embarrassing one to write. I would say I'm still upset about all of this but not upset enough since I haven't swam since the race. I've used this week as an excuse to do whatever I want, even though Ironman 70.3 Calgary will be here at the end of July.

But I don't think most will understand since most of you reading this may think It's already great that I am able to do these races In the first place, especially overseas. Erwin... just going to the gym a few times a week is a lot of work. Why would you complain about anything related to your race performance?!? Just be happy for once.

But first... the results! Check out this chart that shows Wesley ahead of me most of the race but thankfully running 12 minutes faster than him allowed me to win by a few minutes.

Erwin wins by 2 minutes 21 seconds...

A few months before the race I was genuinely in great triathlon shape. I was hitting my 5K per week swimming goal and running 30 to 40 miles a week, sometimes 50. When Wesley got injured earlier this year, I genuinely thought I might beat him by 15 to 30 minutes. In roughly ten races together, I have never beaten him. Not once!

But it was way closer than it should have been, and I know exactly why. The same pattern that has played out for years and years. Yoga instead of the pool. Excuses instead of workouts. I told myself I had enough of a base, that no major blowups meant I was okay. I ran a solid OC half marathon two weeks before the race and convinced myself that was enough. Look at my bike-to-run split in the graph below:

The long dashed line shows how far I am from a good bike/run split. I ran well but my biking (and swimming) really got neglected for this race.

In other words, I left a lot of time out there. Wesley closed the gap not because he was better prepared, because he wasn't, but because a decade of athletic foundation doesn't disappear from one injury.

In my Yoga Sculpt class I teach every week, the theme I share over and over Is Consistency over Intensity. I literally say those words out loud several times throughout class to my students. The race exposed the gap between what I say I value and what I consistently practiced. Humbling, but useful. There is a lot of room to grow, and now I know where to start.

Race Day Photos

I'm not sure I really got my point across with this, or maybe It's just better talked through in person. I know I can do better and just stop making excuses.

Thank You!

Looking back on all of this, I feel really grateful and humbled. Grateful for the opportunity to race in France. Grateful for the Knuth family. Grateful for friendship that lasts decades. Grateful for the reminder that life is meant to be lived, not just managed. And grateful for several friends like Adrianna, Jeff, Jessica, Phoebe, Dan, and Melody who tracked the race by staying up or waking up early. Thank you!

A few years ago, Ecclesiastes 3 mostly felt like a passage about loss to me. A time to die. A time to mourn.

This trip reminded me that there is also:

• a time to laugh

• a time to build

• a time to dance

• a time to heal

The passage never changed. But I have.

Not perfectly. Not completely. But enough to realize that maybe this season of life is not about surviving anymore. Maybe it is about learning how to fully live again.

And maybe that starts with something simple:showing up consistently, letting people care for you, doing hard things, and staying open to whatever God has next.

Thanks for following along on the journey!

Blessings,

Erwin